Stalled

I had surgery at the end of May to help with the kidney stone situation. And it did help, to an extent. While it didn’t break up the problem stone into small enough pieces, it broke it up a little bit and moved it so that it is no longer causing a blockage. Unfortunately, where it is now, it is unlikely to pass on its own, so I am having another surgery in a couple of weeks in which they will actually go in and remove the pieces (and hopefully the other stones, too). In addition, after a week of blissful pain-free almost-back-to-normal living, one of the other stones, which had probably been unable to pass with this larger one blocking the way, has decided that with the passage clear it wanted to move out of the kidney. So I’m back in agony.

(On the bright side, if I ever want to have children, they say that this pain is way worse than that pain, so I should be well-prepared.)

Once the surgery is over and this stone passes, then, hopefully, I will be better. At least until they decide to take on the right kidney. Which I have told my doctor will not be for a long time because I want my life back and my right kidney is currently not a problem. So there.

Unfortunately, this whole thing has put a major stall in my thesis process. I thought it would all be over by now. Between the pain and the pain meds, I find myself unable to focus most of the time. I feel fuzzy. I’ve started to forget things that I should know–like a password at work that I’ve typed several times a day every day for the past three months. I know it’s because I’m exhausted, and from the pain meds, but it’s like I’m going crazy. It’s disheartening, and because of it I have made no headway on my thesis. I was really hoping that once I had recovered from the last surgery I would be able to get my momentum back and finish this guy up.

And now? Now I have e-mailed the head of my program and my advisor to find out what my options are if, in the month of what I hope will be clearheaded-ness after this next surgery, I am not able to finish my novel.

Between my health, my thesis, and some personal things I’ve had going on, I feel like there are just too many pieces of my life that I have no control over right now. There are times I feel like I’m just sitting on a panic attack, just waiting. And it’s frustrating.

I still want to graduate in December. That’s my goal. So cross your fingers for me that this next surgery works and I get my brain back.

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One thought on “Stalled

  1. […] the reason that the pieces of my stones hadn’t been able to move out of the kidney following lithotripsy in May, and why the “dust” from my uteroscopy in July, too small to be caught with the little […]

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